Lame Jokes.......and so cold =,=

Having stressed with your studies?
Getting bored with your routine life?
Having no chance to have even a bare smile?

So if you know chinese, do read the jokes below. They will definitely make you laugh, and brighten your whole day.
=)


*#~+写给某人的情书+~#*
亲爱的xxx：　　

我对妳1见钟情，绝无2心，想照顾妳3生3世，因为我偷偷上妳的网站4次，妳那迷人的5官，总让我6神无主，一颗心7上8下，99不能平息，如果我的满分是10分，妳一定不止11分，起码也该有12分，只可惜我讨厌13这个数字，不然妳一定有14分，如果再加上妳的聪明那又不止15分，16分妳一定还嫌少，所以我给了妳17分。　　

我今年18岁，再过几天就19岁，也就是我还未满20岁，今年大概会二一呗，所以得交22万的学费，其实我的智商是阿甘的23倍，只是，我24小时都在睡。　

　 我猜妳今年未满25岁，26我也无所谓，27跟我还是很配，28也不过才大我10岁，29的女人据说最美，30我会考虑考虑呗，31我应该没这么衰， 32我会开始反胃，33我宁愿自己一个人睡，34妳敢钓我，我娘也才35岁，但我还是想送妳36朵玫瑰，但摸摸口袋我只剩37块，户头也只剩38元，因为跟女友分手在39天前，手机每天得打40块。　　

永远记得41天前，写下42句爱她的誓言，还有43种我想的永远，却只换来44CC真情的眼泪，加上45夜辗转难眠，老实说我打了46句废言，其实妳该从47句开始看，但是妳都看到了第48句，只写49又觉得怪怪的，那就哈啦到50，凑个整数吧！　　

第51句我要说声我想妳，第52句我要说声我爱妳，但第53句我暂时还没想到，所以直接跳过54句，来到55句，这时我想起56分前的妳，不知道妳有没有想起57分钟后的我？

我在这想了58分钟又59秒，我总共找到60种想妳的念头，61个爱妳的理由，62句适合我俩的情话，还有63段电影浪漫的邂逅，虽然我也找到妳64个小缺点，但幸好我也找到妳65个优点，尤其是妳的腰只有66公分，这会让我沉迷67年，与其我爱妳说68遍，还不如我爱妳写满69页，反正我们还有70年，这份工作麻烦让我拖个71个月，妳的爱慕者一定不止72位，因为我是那第73位，但我要定下妳74年，反正我会付时薪75元，就算要追妳追 76个月，只要妳能陪我过77情人节，花掉我78万我也心甘情愿。　　

看完我写下的79句真心话，我猜百分之80你会愿意当我的女朋友，因为妳发现了我81处迷人的地方，还有82个妳无法拒绝我牵妳的手，就算你有83个逃避的借口，我也会有84种留妳的理由，好啦我加薪加到85，麻烦你陪我到86岁，就算妳皱纹是以前的87倍，我爱妳还是愿对妳说88遍。

　　我们已经错过89年，90年也只剩不到几天，91年妳还好意思不让我在你身边，对妳诉说我对妳那92句不变的依恋，我摘不下93万光年外的北极星，但我愿买下94只妳爱的胡椒猫，陪妳去看95遍流星雨，也许我不能活到96岁，不能陪着妳97年，但同样的一件事我会做98遍，在妳生日那天送上99 朵紫玫瑰，做妳心目中的，我想你会喜欢的！或者是这个100分的那位



法庭的問答
問：你的生日是哪天？
答：8月16日
問：哪年?
答：每年。

問：因為你丈夫的一句問候，導致你想離婚？
答：是的，全因為他那天早上的一句問候。
問：他說了什麼？
答：噢，多少美妙的早晨！凱麗！
問：這有什麼錯？
答：我的名字叫麗娜

問：你認識蓮娜這個人嗎？
答：認識，她是我女兒。
問：那你們是什麼關係？
答：……

問：你最小的兒子，也就是20歲的那個，他今年多大了？
答：……

問：當你在拍這張照片時，你在場嗎？
答：……

問：你說這種病症影響了你的記憶力？
答：是的。
問：這種病症如何影響你的記憶力？
答：我想不起來了。
問：那麼，這三個月來，你到底忘了些什麼呢？能不能舉些例子？

問：這麼說，那麼這個嬰兒的受孕時間是9月3日晚上8點了?
答：是的。
問：當時你在做什麼？
答：……

問：你有三個孩子了，是不是？
答：是的。
問：有男孩子嗎？
答：沒有。
問：有女孩子嗎？
答：……

問：你說你當時從樓梯上滾下來了？
答：是的。
問：那麼後來呢？你滾上去了嗎？
答：……

問：你的第一次婚姻是怎樣結束的？
答：喪偶。
問：誰去世了？
答：……

問：你能描述一下那個人模樣嗎？
答：嗯，大約一米六，留著兩撇鬍子，膚色有點黑。
問：直接一點，是男的還是女的 ?
答：……

問：下面開始提問，你的所有回答必須都是「是」或「否」。你的父親是不是叫格林傑瑞？
答：是或否



发音的偏差（本人强烈无语……）
话说湖南一个口音很重的县长到村里作报告：
"兔子们，虾米们，猪尾巴！不要酱瓜，咸菜太贵啦！！"
（翻译：同志们，乡民们，注意吧！不要讲话，现在开会啦！！）
县长讲完后，主持人说："咸菜请香肠酱瓜！"
（翻译：现在请乡长讲话！）
乡长说："兔子们，今天的饭狗吃了，大家都是大王八！"
（翻译：同志们，今天的饭够吃了，大家都使大碗吧！）
"不要酱瓜，我捡个狗屎给你们舔舔。。。"
（翻译：不要讲话，我讲个故事给你们听听。。。）
桃源话很奇特，尾音很高，比如"局"，便发音成了"猪"。
先到县委宣传部，联系到人事局采访。宣传部的人打电话替我预约，用免提。
宣传部："喂，你人是猪吗？（人事局）"
对方："不是，你搞错了。我不是人是猪（人事局），我娘是猪（粮食局）。"
我拼命忍住笑，肚子都疼了。
第二天参加一个县政府的汇报会。会前点名。
主持人："哪些单位到了？"于是参会者一个个地自报家门：
"我是公阉猪（公安局）。"
"我叫肉猪（教育局）。"
"我有点猪（邮电局）。"
"我是典型猪(电信局)



让王子吐血的公主……
从前有一个王子被巫婆诅咒了，他每年只能说一个单词。但是，这个单词是可以累积的，就是说如果他第一年不说那么第二年就可以说两个词，以此类推。

有一天，王子遇到了一个美丽的公主，他深深地爱上了她 ，他想娶她为妻。他想叫她“darling”，告诉她“I love you”，对她说“would you please marry me”。

可惜，那要9个词。王子一年只能说一个词。

为了爱情，王子豁出去了！他辛辛苦苦，咬紧牙关，沉默了9年，苦苦等待了9年。

9年后，王子终于又见到了公主。而且幸运的是，她还没有结婚，而且还是那么漂亮。

王子简直难以抑制自己激动的心情。他快步走到公主面前 ，一字一句、深情款款地对公主说：“Darling,I love you, would you please marry me?”

公主迟疑了一下，然后说出了一句让王子吐血不止的话。

公主说： “Pardon?”




女傭接電話
一名男子在上班時打電話回家。接電話的是一位陌生女子。

男子說，『你是誰?』
女子說:『我是這裡的女傭。』
男子回答。『我們沒有請女傭啊。』

女傭說:『今天早上這間屋子的女主人叫我來的。』

男子說:『喔，那我是她先生。她在嗎』
女傭說:『可是...她和一個....我以為是她先生的男人在樓上的房間裡。』
男子聽了非常火大。他對女傭說，『聽著，你想不想賺$75,000元?』

女傭說:『我需要做什麼?』
男子說:『我要你去把我書桌裡的槍拿出來然後把那兩個奸夫婦給斃了!』

女傭把電話放下。

男子聽到腳步聲，接著兩聲槍聲。女傭回來拿起電話。

女傭說:『我要怎麼處理屍體呢?』
男子說:『把他們到游泳池裡去。』
女傭說:『什麼游泳池啊?』










男子說:『啊,這隻電話是2342-6724嗎?』

女傭說:『打錯=ｏ=』



Maybe you have heard of these jokes, but they are indeed amusing and comical for me.
I admit that i'm not a funny person, and so i can't make and tell jokes to other people.
But i still remember last year when i told a joke to my friend, and he laughed until he nearly rolled on the ground, and was not able to speak for quite some minutes.
His actions might seem exaggerated, but he did please me.
Jokes do delight everyone of you, and me!
^^

A-level t-shirt

As a HELP scholar, i bought the A-levels t-shirt from the A-level Department, just in case of any events or occasions going on which will require me and other scholars to help out with.

Its design is okay(yet not better than 5K shirt +p), but the cloth quality is kind of rough and the sewing technique is not skillful enough. I have my S size, but still it seems quite big for me.

It's a black shirt with a collar.

HELP University College

A-level above the rest =)

Can't believe that i will have this t-shirt like my A-level seniors too.^^ May it bring me into the memory of my college life later on in my future, always and often, as a forever reminiscence.

>,^

累

累。

好累。

坐在电脑前，什么也想不通，什么也不想做。只是觉得，

好累。

想休息。休息做什么？我不知道，也不想知道。空虚。我只得一个空壳。



看看电视，读读小说。伟大的爱情让我感触良多，却让我措手不及，更让我觉得



好
累。

“世界上最遥远的距离绝非北极与南极，而是我在你面前，你却看不到。”

朋友的恶作剧，起初让我感觉厌恶。可最近，整理书桌时发现了它，一句短短的句子，却讲中了我的心，刺痛的，隐隐约约的，毫无防备的。

以及惆怅的。

你在哪儿？
近在眼前，

还是远在天边？

你听见了？

你

也累了吗？

是我的错，我毫无埋怨。

祝你幸福快乐，就算我不幸福，我不快乐。

想不想我没关系，可我却一直想你。

我会不想你的，我不会再感觉累。

如果我做得到的话。

依然是朋友

想了想，还是用中文写这篇部落格吧！

前天晚上（既是星期六），去了sheena家参加gathering。说老实话，我从未想过要去的，甚至已准备要前往婆婆家，可我的朋友一而再，再而三的 '央求' 我去sheena家，最后，好吧！我去！

看来我做了明智的选择。我在sheena家度过了快乐的一个晚上。

虽然在那儿我总是觉得有一班人看到我之后变得怪怪的，搞到我一头雾水，不过，我很庆幸能遇到半年没见的朋友(不过大部分的他们没真的那么久没见啦！)，而且我还能跟他们谈得来！

五位漂亮又可爱的公主。哈哈

子欣和慧慈。大家都变美丽了哦！ =)

我很喜欢sheena家外面的游乐场，幽静又凉爽，让我在那儿很high地唱了一首又一首的曲子。谢谢那些陪我一起高歌的朋友，我们真的很久没一起唱歌了！(别认为我唱歌不好听，也别在你的电脑前呕吐！ =P)

过后与大家一起畅谈。都是老友了(有些还一起相处了9至11年)，一开话题就能什么都讲，什么都gossip一下(不然晚上睡不着。哈哈)，还讲到鬼故事。原来，真的有很多人都怕鬼！在黑漆漆的夜晚讲鬼故事，不让人起鸡皮疙瘩才怪！还有还有，原来Jonathan曾经因为一套鬼戏而害怕pumpkin！(其实我小时候听了舅舅说tornado的故事，怕得天天要守着家，不让tornado把我的家给吹走！+P)

同时也'学'会了(其实这压根儿也不必学)双脚站在秋千上。因为我笨，站上去了之后还整个人摇摇欲坠，平衡感真的很差！

嘉恩给我们猜一道IQ题，让我们三人想爆了头还想不到，结果那答案很炸到！

问题：5+5+5=550。请在这个equation上加上一条线，让它变成对的。(PS：不能把线放在=上)

答案是什么？慢慢想吧！哈哈哈哈... +p

最后，想再次向进贤说对不起，早上在carnival遇见你时，我不应该先问你那个问题！可是，我真的真的真的真的真的...有在第一眼见到你的时候叫你的名字！ 不过进贤你这么好人，一定早已不把这事放在心上了吧？><

不管怎么样，我们依然是朋友，对么？！ ^^

A round of applause!

Long time never had been to school. Oh alright, precisely i should say, i had never attended my lessons for quite some time already.

LAZY? Nope. GIVING UP? Oh oh definitely no. PONTENG-ING? No no no!!!

Alright, i'm having a holiday, a such long break, when i start to become a human-shaped mushroom, with several queer-shaped moss budding off, and roots are grown under both my feet. Oh no. The next thing that is gonna happen is, i gotta decompose.

Before i disappear from the ground, i better do something to work up my bones and nerves, at least not to make myself too PARALYSED. I hate exercise, so i will not exercise to let my body move. On the other hand, i..

SHOP!!
PLAY!!
ONLINE!! (not writing bloggie, because there will be nothing interesting displayed for my posts, as u can see i have not updated my blog for weeks. Oh is it really that long?)
SMS!! (finger exercise)
WATCH DRAMA SERIES!! (oh. get addicted to every show)
PLAY PIANO!!
GO EVERYWHERE I CAN!!

9/6/08 (hope i didnt mistake the date)
Went off to KLCC with a few friends for a movie. Due to their busyness and certain 'technical' problems i arrived KLCC earlier than every other person, just as to buy early-bird tickets for the movie. Then i waited like a 'so lou', nearly turned into statue if i didn't linger here and there, to see different kind of foreign tourists(and nearly collided with a white lady), and to be 'cheated' by 2 China men(they asked for a donation, i didn't know whether they lied, but to get rid of them i tucked several ringgits to them).
Lastly it was evening and we started to watch 'Kungfu Panda'. It is a funny and hilarious movie, which made us laughed all the time throughout the whole screening of the movie. I recommend the movie to you. It's indeed a MUST-WATCH!

12/6/08 & 19/6/08
On thursday, i went to my college for my club meetings.(WHO)
The WHO head said that he shortlisted me as his assistant head, and i'm gonna have an interview for it. Oops, stressed.. XD
Anyway, the time after the meeting was really a tough one. I was not allowed to take public transport back home but to wait there like a statue for my dad to come, and he would leave his driver seat and ask me to drive.
And i crashed into something made up of steel, and one of the front wheels just deflated. OMG. My dad kept on !@#$%^&*(!@*^ me when he was forced to change the wheel instantly. And i stood there, nearly cried. *oh dear*
Sorry dad. I shall never make the same mistake again!!
*cry*

14/6/08
I watched 'Kungfu Panda' once again with my mum and siblings. Watching for the second time ain't fun actually, but i realized that Jackie Chan speaks only a few(really few compared to other 'animals') for his monkey character.

18/6/08
This day was my dad's 52th birthday. And surprisingly i found that two of my friends are having their birthdays on that day too.
And also one of my little cousin sisters.
A miracle huh? +)
Invited to go for an outing again this day, but i rejected. Alright, i can't go out when it's my dad's birthday!

21/6/08 = Today
I went to my secondary school this morning for the carnival day. And it was quite okay, for i could meet many of my old friends(*muacks*), and bad too because the weather was so HOT. The sun was like killing me. Oh God.
One of my buddies kept on asking me to go for a party which will be held in Sheena's house tonight. I'm still thinking whether i should go.
Should i? I dunno.
If i don't go for the party, yet i still have to go to my grandma's house in Petaling Jaya.


Although i had done nothing meaningful for my holidays, i'm still proud of myself.

Still not willing to turn into a mushroom, so i will follow my college friends to Sunway Pyramid next wednesday.

For KARAOKE and ICE-SKATING!
*believe it or not, i never ice-skate before. =( Nevermind, i will have my 1st try soon*

I will live my holidays to the fullest.

Giving myself a big round of applause!
*clapping hands*

yay! =)

I'm tagged

What you all might not know about me.
[State 10 things]

1. I have insomnia nowadays. =(

2. I love someone, and miss him to DEATH. haha. +P

3. I love to hide secrets inside myself. These 10 things listed here are only a small part of my secrets. =)

4. I like chocolate soooo much. Chocolate(and sometimes cheese too) is the only food that can bring happiness to me.

5. I dislike driving actually. But i still have to drive. Haiz..

6. I'm always longing to go out for a shopping, but once i'm in the shopping mall, i will be so boring if i don't watch a movie.

7. Because i enjoy watching movie. =) Kungfu Panda! Keke..

8. I'm very emo. I can shed my tears just because of a poor outcast dog.

9. I'm decomposing nowadays at home. I wanna GO OUT.

10. I love dogs very much. I don't have a dog at home because my dad prohibits. =( But nevermind. Just see. I'm gonna have a dog as my pet soon.

I wanna tag YOU.

Haha..just be tagged by me if you want to. =)

Agile monkeys~!

Had had my test finished on wednesday, so as promised by my dad, he would bring us out for holidays.

I was so excited, because i once thought that he would bring us to Genting, as i'd not been there for YEARS. But, my dad never intended to take us there, as he said, 'there's no fun about genting.'

Well, that's what HE said. I never said Genting has no fun, in fact, i DO think that it's fun to visit Genting. I want to go to Genting, but my dad said, 'NO!'

Okay, a tyrant, i suppose.(never dare to describe my dad in this way in front of him) +P So, we went off to Kuala Selangor yesterday morning, not to watch the 'kelip-kelip', but to walk walk(my dad said~).

But, i feel otherwise. I feel that, we went to Kuala Selangor actually to watch....

MONKEYS~!

I'm sure every of the Malaysians knows this place. Frankly speaking, i don't know its real name, but had been there several times since young. I just know, there are a lot of monkeys which never know what is hunger, as there are always many tourists there feeding them, and a lighthouse standing still there, which is the landmark of Kuala Selangor.

When i reached there, i saw a lot of monkeys, not praying for, but 'robbing' food from the tourists, with angry gestures and unpatient glares. And i saw a monkey helding out its long fury hands, stretching a chinese lady's stretchable pants and blouse.

And the chinese lady who is around the age of 40 to 50 shouted while jumping here and there without caring about the shames that she had brought to herself.

'NO NO!!!! DON'T PULL YOU MONKEY!!!! DON'T PULL!!!! OKAY OKAY I GIVE YOU...DON'T PULL!!!'

Oh dear auntie, do you know that monkey actually doesn't understand your english? I once thought she's a singaporean, as she sounded like a singaporean. In fact she came from somewhere around Subang.

I don't like monkeys, as they are too active, or HYPERACTIVE. To have themselves fed with food, they become selfish that they fight with each other, and grabbing things from people's hands. They are violent, but think otherwise, they do act like humans. If not, why did biologists categorise humans in the same primate family with monkeys?

A mother monkey with her child clinging hardly to her.

I pity this yellow lamp post actually. Everytime when a monkey jumped from this lamp post to the huge tree branch nearby, the lamp post would shake so vigorously, as if it was going to fall down. Pity me too, because when this monkey leaped, i was just besides the lamp post, still wondering whether it would fall and hit my head. XD But hey, don't you think the monkey has a tail which is even longer than its body? =)

I personally think that this monkey is funny. Look, it sits like a man!

Monkeys are agile, and maybe that's the reason why none of them grows fat although their mouths never stop chewing and their hands never stop taking food from us. We are kind. Alright, too kind to the monkeys that it turned into a situation that one of the monkeys grabbed a whole packet of peanut from us!!

And it quickly ran away, so quick that in just a few seconds, it had already jumped on the tree, sitting alone, eating all the peanuts all by itself only.

Then it was my turn to shout. (oh dear, what a real shame) I yelled suddenly that i didn't realise i was screaming, when another monkey put its hands on my grasping fist, and forcibly pull my fingers open.

OHHhhh..how the monkey knew that i have something in my fist? Without hesitating i scattered the contents in my fist on the ground, but then the monkey watched and then ran away.

Alright, i was just holding some peanut shells!!! STUPID MONKEY!!!!

And greedy monkeys. I want my peanuts back!!!! We spent our own money to buy wan ar!!!!

Alright, no use arguing with monkeys. But they made me think of the movie 'Tarzan'.

But the monkeys in 'Tarzan' are nice!!! Oopsss, i had mistaken, they are apes.

Whatever. I hate monkeys, but do love them. Don't know why. Is that because we are in the same family?! Haha =P

So, do you love monkeys?

Jokes jokes

I'm a blur-die.

Really. I don't know what's wrong with my brain or any nervous system in my body. I just keep on forgetting things that will be not forgotten by other people easily. For example : -
(PS : please prepare some tissue papers first, because you may laugh till cry)

I took off my spectacles and went for a bath. Later, after bathing, i intended to put on my spectacles again, but, EI? Where have my spectacles been to? So, with super-blur vision(i really can't live without spectacles), i walked from the most front part of my house to the end, shouting all the way,

"WHO HAD TAKEN MY SPECTACLES??!! DON'T PLAY PLAY WITH ME ARH!!!!"

And later after that, i found my spectacles on my table. In fact i put it there before bath, then just forgot where had i put it.

HAIZZZ......Alzheimer's disease indeed. Luckily i didn't wear spectacles while finding for my spectacles. But if my memory is still deteriorating, i'm gonna do that.

OH DEAR!!!

One more thing, this monday i had my mathematics exam, and the paper started at 11.45pm. I arrived college early at 10 something to do some stuffs first, and planned to just have a lunch there. But i was so excited to see my friends, and chatted so happily until....i forgot to have my lunch.

But this is worse. I never realised that i hadn't had my lunch, until i sat on my exam seat, and suddenly heard a 'churning' noise from my stomach. And i just thought in my heart, 'why am i so hungry de??"

"OH YAHO!!! I FORGOT TO EAT MY LUNCH!!!!"

Luckily i have no gastric. If not, i sure cannot 'tahan' until 3 o'clock with only a few pieces of biscuits eaten for breakfast. I think, i'm overstressed because of exams.. (LOL)

Enough of my jokes, now let me tell you a joke from my high school.

My sister told me this yesterday, and i nearly burst into a laughter.

One day my sister's class was having a PJK lesson, and saw a chinese boy and an indian girl from U class 'pak-tuo'-ing near the field.

But the relationship didn't last long. Or should i say, it's the shortest relationship i had ever heard of, because it only lasted for 3 hours.

My sister said, the indian girl just looked so gloomy throughout the whole 'pak-tuo' period, until the chinese boy 'beh-tahan' and asked at the time of 2 hours and 50+ minutes(my sister really counted the time taken for their 'pak-tuo' period precisely),

"Kenapa kamu bermuka muram sahaja?" (they communicated using malay)

And so instantly, two columns of tears drop along the indian girl's cheeks. While shedding tears she said,

"AKU TAK SUKA AWAK LAA!!!!"

And ran away, leaving the chinese boy with totally stunned and flushed face, and my sister with her friends laughing crazily and uncontrollably behind.

So that's what we call, 'Puppy Love' ya! A love which only makes jokes to entertain people who love to gossip a lot like me!!

Muhahahahahahah XP